Thursday, August 29, 2013

Crossroads

Well, August has been a busy month. I have only been to the gym a handle of times, I had my grandfather visit, followed by my parents visiting, attended a concert, had a birthday and now I have my father in law in town. 
With all of that going on, you would think I have a lot to write about right? I did. I do. I just can't seem to muster it up. 
A friend messaged me this morning. They asked where I had been and that they looked forward to my blog. Because it was relate-able. I was happy to hear that... and so here I am. 
I want to first explain why I have been so absent, because I feel like I owe that much. No matter how "busy" one is, doesn't really mean they don't have a few minutes a day to sit down and put a pen to paper (or fingers to the keyboard as it may be)... 
I am at a little bit of a crossroads right now. I am conflicted about what I want in life. My mind is busy and I am not sure which direction I want to head in. There are choices to consider, people to consider and a few other things to take into consideration. I am not sure what direction I am going to take right now, so I feel like my vision of things is a little bit skewed.... confused... and trying to decide what is best. 
Sometimes, I feel like we get so caught up in doing what is best for everyone else and stop making the best decisions for ourselves. For myself in particular... (cause that's what we are talking about here).   That is part of being a mother. Part of being a wife. Part of being a family member. I get that. 
That being said, amongst those couple confusing paragraphs, is my strange explanation of why I have been in hiding. 
I feel like I am letting myself and anyone who reads this down right now. I started this blog because I wanted to talk about how I was working on loosing weight, going to the gym and cooking great foods. I am kind of ripping everyone off. I haven't been great with the gym, and I am the queen of excuses. "Well we have had a lot of company. I have been working a lot of hours, Kaylee is fussy tonight, I worked in the garden and went for a walk instead". Terrible... I'm simply hurting myself. No one else. So why do I take the time and energy to create those excuses? I do not have a clue. I have not lost any weight... Although I do continue to be a kick ass cook (if I do say so myself!). It is not always healthy, but I enjoy cooking. I enjoy feeding anyone who wants to eat my cooking. It truly is a passion. 
Sooooo. Now that I have come clean, let me give you some good news!
I am an Aunt to a brand new (well one month ago now), little boy. Leo came into this world from his wonderful Momma Cheryl- my sister in law. He is a ball of cuteness. Although I have not met him in person yet, we have Skyped and he literally made my uterus ache. I look forward to hopefully having a visit with him soon. As far as baby news goes, my bestie who I have mentioned on here before, Amanda is growing at an incredible rate! She found out she will be welcoming a little girl and she is beside herself with happiness. I cannot wait to meet her as well. I on the other hand, have put baby talk on the back burner... I am just not sure I am at a place right now. I am working on me for the moment. That along with, I am really enjoying the great place I am currently in with Kaylee. She is fun and easy. Ok wait... I take that back. She is rambunctious and tests each and every limit. But she also has learned that to do the fun things, she has to listen. She is becoming much better at this. We enjoy going and doing things. It has taken a lot of time to get to that place. I am not sure I want to let it go just yet.
I also recently shared a fabulous long weekend with my Mom. I needed that weekend with my Mom. We needed to reconnect. I have been away from home for 10 years. I also chose not to simply be away from home down the street. But a mere 2000 km away from home. That has caused a lot of hurdles for my Mom and I to overcome. I know there has been some resentment (on both parts) and a few tears shed regarding our relationship. So while her and Dad came down for the weekend... It really was a weekend with my Mother that I will cherish. We shopped, relaxed on the couch and watched TV, spent an afternoon on a patio having a cocktail (or two), rocked out to a bad 80's music concert, and laughed until we cried. I was laying in bed on Sunday morning listening to Mom playing with Kaylee. She was enjoying those special moments I always wanted her to share with Kaylee. My heart swelled and I immediately wanted more of that.
Mom teaching Kaylee how to apply lip gloss..
Concert fun!
Fun times with Mom (aka Nanny)
Unfortunately that is a lot easier to say then do. I wish we could simply snap our fingers and have our families on the next street over. Its not realistic however. Their lives and careers are in Ontario as Jordon and I's are here. 

So that brings us to my birthday. Last weekend I turned 28. Geez... I remember being 15 and calling 28 year olds, OLD! ha ha! We had a lovely low key evening. Jordon spoiled me with some new living room furniture which I desperately wanted. The living room now looks comfy, cozy and like home. 


My birthday fun!
My father in law is currently here in Nova Scotia. He lives in Quebec. However if you ask his children, no one can figure out why. We are all waiting for him to move closer to family. My sitter is on vacation and he is so kind as to stay home with Kaylee for the two weeks with her. Kaylee is in her glory. She is giving Grampie a run for his money. Grampie in the last week is learning to say "no" a little more. Even if he does it with a grin on his face. ha ha! We are lucky to have him to help us. 
Kaylee asked Grampie for her own mailbox.
He made this for her room. :)
This long weekend coming we have rented a cottage. I am hoping to put up my feet and enjoy disconnecting from the world a little.Laughing and playing with my daughter. Maybe doing a little bit of fishing. possibly having a cold beer or two and leaving life behind for a couple of days.
Ha ha. Naive isn't it? Oh well one can dream!

Anywho y'all that's where I am at! Stay tuned for more upon my return from paradise! teehee! 
Work whiteboard. I put a different quote up each day. :)
Also... Thank you Holly... For giving me the kick in the ass I needed to write again. xo


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