Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Marriage: mar·riage noun \ˈmer-ij, ˈma-rij\

Definition of MARRIAGE

1
a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage <same-sex marriage>
b : the mutual relation of married persons : wedlock
As per the Merriam Dictionary.

No where in there, does marriage say, it is hard, it is complicated, it is sometimes more then you think you can handle. Personalities change, bodies age, and romance can dwindle. Marriage is not conflict free. What allows couples to endure, is how they choose to handle that conflict.

It seems that people are always so eager to point a finger at another couples marriage. Chatter behind their back "I would never put up with that" or "I cannot believe she stayed with him after he cheated". The reality of it all is however, that its not that simple. Life throws us curve balls. Some we handle with grace, and some we do not. I fall guilty to this as well. I have gossiped and said things, that were undeniably out of line. I have no doubt offended someone at some point with my personal opinion on theirs, or someone elses relationship. This is something I now, try not to do. Quite frankly it is none of my business. If my insight is requested, I may offer a it. However I now know that I must do so with care. With consideration to not only the person I am speaking to, but the person we are speaking about. You cannot take back the things you say. This too is something I am working on. I have a tendency to be an impulse/emotional reactor. My filter does not kick in until afterwards. This has gotten me into a few situations that I wish I could have a do over for.

My marriage is only 2 years young. That being said, we have been together about 12 years. It has been a long road, with many potholes to fall into and mountains to climb. We have worked hard. We have never given up on one another. There have been times where it felt impossible. Where I can say, I felt defeated. We both have quirks that drive each other nuts. How he puts up with my OCD over light switches - yep... true story. A 3 switch light switch, should have all the switches facing the same way, I digress. I know it drives him nuts. "Jordon!!! Please run downstairs and flip that switch so I can flip this one up please". I can see the eye roll now as he obliges, simply because he loves me. Yes, he too thinks I am crazy, but he loves me anyways. The finger nail clippings he leaves in the bathroom sink, irk me to no end! I feel my insides boil. I however turn the tap on and bare with this annoying habit. These are petty little things of course. We have been through much bigger battles and obstacles. Ones I am not willing to share. But challenges in a relationship we over came. We worked hard on, still work on and still stand beside each other because we never gave up.

Marriage is work. The day you stop working on your relationship is the day your relationship stops working.

I am not a marriage counsellor. Nor am I an expert. I am a wife to my husband as he is husband to his wife. We are not perfect and have to take on challenges in our relationship daily.We share an equal relationship because that is the only way we will work. For other people, that would never work. Regardless, each couple grows together, learns together and at the end of the day must choose whether or not they will stand beside each other through the hard times.

If a marriage is falling apart, it is usually not because one person has suddenly decided to sabotage the relationship. It is generally a progression or escalation of things. We all must be accountable for a failing relationship. If he cheats, why? Why was he so unhappy that he was looking elsewhere? Because he stopped working on the relationship he had? Because they stopped putting the effort into the relationship that it deserved. Does that justify him cheating? Of course not. However there is a bigger picture. If she decides to work through infidelity, that does not make her weak, or wrong. Relationships change. If you can persevere through the hardest times, it just may make you a stronger and better couple then you ever thought you could be.

I was talking to my Poppa on the phone last night. He was married to my Nanny for 51 years before she suddenly passed away. I do not have a doubt in the world that they would be together for another 50 years given the opportunity. I said "Poppa, you and Nanny are my marriage idols. You always looked to happy. You always laughed". He laughed a little and with a little bit of pain in his voice he said "Jaym, it was hard. It was work. We went through a lot over the years. The one thing that always remained the same, was that she was always my best friend. If you can have that, you can make it". That was powerful for me... I think it is a great piece of advice....

So today, I just wanted to voice my little ol' opinion on Marriage. I feel so many people are too willing to walk away. To give up when things get hard. To stop trying. Some will disregard this post, and maybe some will think about how they treat their significant other.

What do you do to keep the romance alive? To continue growing together and not apart? To make the mountains and potholes minimal, while the flowers and rainbows plentiful? Would love to hear some feedback.
Jordon and I were married on Nanny & Poppa's 50th Wedding Anniversary.

Have a Whimsical Wednesday!

3 comments:

  1. Beautiful post Jaymie :) Relationships are definitely work but I feel like that is what pulls a couple closer and closer together. Matt and I went through a lot of rough shit at the beginning of our relationship and it made us really close.

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    1. Thanks Christine! Love the thoughts on this... I think it is a aprt of life so often taken for granted. The effort and thought it takes to make a relationship work...

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  2. I think the more people hear, and really hear, that marriages are a lot of very hard work. And that there will be times, maybe lots of times which last for a long time, that you just want to leave the person behind. My wife and I are at the 5 year married mark (7 together) and not one of those years have been easy. Good post, good reflection. ---Christopher

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