Monday, July 29, 2013

Communication and Dirty Floors...

Okay people... Dirty little secret... I suck at communication...I can hear you all laughing now... For anyone that knows me, they know I talk.. A lot... I am not shy and I have no problem keeping up my end of a conversation. So what the heck am I talking about?
When it comes down to something or anything serious, emotional or confrontation, I tend to do a few things. I get my back up- I either stop talking or start yelling,and I say things I don't mean. If there is a fight, I feel as if I stumble over my words. I do not think or filter before I speak. This tends to not work out in my favor.
Friday Kaylee spent the day with her cousins.
All 3 of them were tuckered out by the end of the day!
So when the world of text messaging was introduced to me, it made communicating easier for me. I could type something, read it and think about it before impulsively saying it. Strange as it may sound, it helped me.

I remember when I was a little girl. I used to write letters. When I would fight with my Mom, my best friend or boyfriend for that matter. Putting a pen to paper was an outlet for me. I loved to write. I felt as if I could write ten times better then I could speak. 


 Saturday Morning Fishing

 I still feel this way. Ask me to write a professional email, a letter of complaint, or a personal letter, and I believe I would come across as a very well written and well spoken individual. Ask me to speak, and my emotions get ahead of me and I make a cluster **** of words and feel like a fool. That is just the honest truth.

Whenever Jordon and I have a disagreement I tend to shut down and wait to have a text message banter. It drives him crazy. It irritates him to no end but he banters with me when I need it. I don't want to stand and argue while looking at him. It's hard. That makes me weak right? I can't even face people when I need to confront them or discuss something that may not end up being a favorable conversation...Anyway, this one of my weaknesses. I am aware of it. 

The last few weeks, I have had a lot on my plate. With work, home, a toddler and a relationship to juggle, I feel overwhelmed. Like there is not enough possible time in the day. Saturday everything came to a head. Jordon had had enough of me and I of him. And then it happened... We talked... Like really talked... Said things, maybe neither of us even realized we felt. It was raw. It was real. 

At the end, I think we both walked away with a lot to think about. Jordon decided to plan a fishing trip for him and I on Sunday. We packed a cooler, called the babysitter and planned to make a morning of it. Head out on the lake for a few hours and just forget about everything in between. Sunday's normally equate to me finishing my weekend chores, making sure lunches are prepped, supper is ready and then playtime with the little monkey. 

We hit the lake and had a blast. I am a true country girl at heart. Being out on the lake with my hair whipping in my face, tears came to my eyes. I was enjoying this moment more then I would admit. It brought me back to childhood, when responsibilities were minimal, worries were small and life was easy. Why do we forget to find these moments and run with them? Why do we forget to enjoy each small moment? I truly need to make this a bigger focus in my life. 

When we came home from fishing, we played hop scotch in the driveway and went swimming in the neighbours pool. I feel like I enjoyed those moments. Truly enjoyed them. Enjoyed Kaylee laughing. Playing. Being a 3 1/2 year old. That's a pretty beautiful thing....

So, needless to say. I did not finish my Sunday chores. My floors are dirty... Like dog hair and grass from the mowed lawn dirty... Also known as make Jaymie want to rip her hair out dirty. BUT. I let it go. I said, "it can wait until tomorrow, because today I am enjoying right now". And you know what.... I did. 

1 comment:

  1. Good for you I am glad you guys got out and enjoyed some time after a tough conversation.