Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Untitled....

9:20pm last night. Laying in bed, waiting for the phone to ring... Watching mindless TV to pass the time. It rings. My heart leaps into my throat. I hold my breath before I answer "Hello.". The voice of the sweet older woman receptionist says, "Hi Jaymie. Its Betty calling for Dr. Macfarlane. She wanted me to call and let you know your blood work came back negative." My heart drops into my stomach, I thank her for the call and roll over. The back of my throat feels like its closing and my eyes start to burn. I am not going to cry... I am not going to cry I tell myself. Jordon wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. He wants to talk but accepts that I don't... He lets me take that time to process what I had just been told.

You see, November 3rd my period was due.... It never came.... I went from not thinking about pregnancy to suddenly hoping, wish and dreaming about being pregnant. 9 days later, after 10 negative pregnancy tests, still no period and a very busy mind, I sat in the office of my doctor. She sat with me and discussed that I could be. It could also be a thyroid problem. Or it could be stress. I laughed and told her I wasn't stressed. She sent me for blood work and I hoped for two things. 1- that I was indeed pregnant. 2- that I did not have a thyroid problem that would require taking a pill daily for the rest of my life.
I had spent time over the last week reading about how many women get negative home pregnancy tests back weeks after being pregnant and they turn out to be false negatives.
This however was not the case. That 30 second phone call last night confirmed what I probably already knew but hoped I didn't. I am not pregnant.
I hear Jordon drift off to sleep. His breathing slows and get heavier.My head laying on his chest with his arms wrapped around me.... And then I let myself cry. I let myself be sad for the hopes and wishes I had been holding onto for the last 9 days. The hopes and wishes, I did not have a clue I wanted so bad until that very moment when it was gone. 
I was sad for the excitement I had at telling my Mom there would be another grand baby. I was sad for the hours I had spent in my head dreaming about what an amazing big sister Kaylee would be. About a change in life. 
I laid in bed for hours eyes wide open.... Mind busy...Mind tired...

I woke up this morning groggy. I looked into my husbands eyes as he searched mine. I know he saw my sadness. I know he knew my disappointment. I know he felt it a little bit too. He hugged me.. He kissed my forehead and said "Well the good thing is now we can start trying right?" with a wink and a grin.  It made me smile. It made me grateful. It made me feel lucky for what we have.

And then Kaylee knocked over the huge dog water bowl. The water was allllll over the floor and we scrambled to get it cleaned up. The moment was gone. Back to the hustle and bustle of every day life.

This morning as I sit here, I know I am blessed. I know I have so much more then so many people. I know my family is happy. My family is healthy. I know there is too much distance from our loved ones, but that we all love each other at the end of the day. I know I have a perfectly beautiful little girl. One who looks up at her Momma everyday and says she loves me. She kisses me goodbye each morning and again when I pick her up at Daycare. There are more hugs and kisses before bed followed by I love you's. I know my husband will take extra care with my feelings today because he knows I am feeling sad. And me being sad makes him sad too.

I know.... I am incredibly lucky. And I am grateful. So baby or no baby. I choose today to be happy. Be happy for what I have.
Thanks for stopping by and have a great day Y'all! 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The dreaded house hold cold....

Yep... Snotty noses, constant whining, coughing til you wake yourself up, sore throats, itchy ears... You name it, our house has it.
Kaylee was kind enough to bring home her findings from the germ factory (aka daycare) last week. She was really sick for about 2 or 3 days and now all of the lingering affects are still in full force.***Side note- Kaylee probably goes to the cleanest daycare there is... Germ factory refers to the germ breeders she plays with on a daily basis- I love you and your cleanliness Melissa!-End side note*** She passed it along to the hubs, who like Kaylee, does not handle being sick well. I will say he is trying to be tough this time. Tougher then normal anyhow. Whether or not this is due to hunting season opening on Friday and him certainly not going to miss it...I am not sure. Having to deal with me after him being "deathly" ill for a week and then heading into the cold damp woods might not go over so well.
Very sick little one.
Needless to say, he has been slightly better at handling illness this go around. That is not to say he does not exploit my need to take care of people, especially those I love and especially when they are ill.
Sunday night, sick hubby, took a swig of NyQuil and headed to bed. Kaylee was sleeping and I crawled in bed to read before turning out the light.
And then it began.... The NyQuil snore... Yep... The cover your head with a pillow and sing to yourself so you don't hear it kind of snore. Except, don't cover your head or sing too loud, you might not hear if your sick toddler wakes up and calls for you. UGH.
Said toddler did indeed wake up. About 4 or 5 times throughout the night. Now I am not talking about an infant. I am talking about my almost 4 year old. The one who has never been a great sleeper, no matter what method I have used. Add a cold to that and it makes for a cranky Momma on Monday.
Also, I have a touch of this ickiness.
There... I am done whining.

Other then the colds, I have been a cooking machine. I cooked the most amazing prime rib on Sunday. It was delectable!!! Slow cooked on the grill, with grilled veggies as a side. MMM.
Roast started in red wine sauce, with onions, then
moved to the grill with dripping to be caught.
Roasted veggies- Zucchini, baby potatoes, onions, mushrooms
and garlic. Yum.

Saturday I made a chicken cacciatore. I have never made this before. I pulled the crock pot down and wiped the dust off it. I have to admit, it is not a kitchen tool I often use. However, I threw the ingredients in, I found a recipe online and loosely followed it (as I usually do with recipes- hence why I am a bad baker). I put everything in the pot and walked away. A couple hours later the fragrance in my house was mmmm. I made a simple rice to go with it and the three of us sat down to enjoy. I did forget to take a picture of this one however.

Also, an apple pork loin roast... Just think about that for a sec.... Yep, was as good as it sounds. Other then that, we have just been settling into a fall routine. Darkness comes so much sooner, so after work/daycare, we spend the little bit of time out in the backyard playing with the dogs. Then inside for chores, supper, bath and bed.

Hubs plate- pork loin, steamed broccoli, oven
roasted taters, warm buttered buns and the onions
that cooked with the roast.
It's a simple little life. One most days I love. Some days I feel trapped by chores and the endless list that goes with them. However I think most people must feel that way.

One last note... I broached the idea to the hubs of no cell phones after he gets home from work... I am the worst, when we sit down to watch tv together and pulling out my phone to chat with Mum, surf facebook, more often then not, chatting with Holly. I know he does it too- less often then me. And I also know we both have a tendency to get annoyed at each other for it.

So I know there is a lot of talk about less technology... What are your thoughts? Do you throw the iPhone, laptop or whatever other gadget aside once your home with the family? Would love to hear what you think!

Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful Wednesday Y'all!!!

xo


Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Fall Fun!


Hey Y'all!

It's been a while. I have been crazy busy and not sure what to babble about. The last few weeks have been fun and activity filled! I had the wonderful pleasure of... I am going to call it "meeting" Holly and her family. I say this because, while yes we have met before, we were children and I vaguely remember.
When I told her my first memory of her when we were snotty, arrogant teenagers we both laughed hysterically! I digress...



On the road to the apple farm. Ham Bone.
Her and her family, piled into the car and made the long journey to Halifax. They had many people to see and stops to make, however I did get to share some great time with her. Lots of wine, and tons of laughs. Our families are compatible. We are both at points in our lives, where hitting the town to party, is the farthest thing from our interest. Instead, a bottle of wine, a deck of cards and the radio meant a great time was had by all!
Also on the agenda lately, our family tradition of apple and pumpkin picking. This is something I have done since I can remember. As a child, it always meant, heading out to Nanny and Poppa's house, piling everyone into Dad's van and heading out to a farm. We did this every single year. We would run around looking for the perfect pumpkin. As with everything else, Mom had to give the pumpkin "face" a stamp of approval before it made it into the wagon. Nanny would run around with us and laugh. My goodness I can hear her laugh clear as day. 
My Nanny passed away a year and a half ago. It is hard to believe as she was such an important figure in my life. She helped to shape the traditions I now carry on in my life, and hand down to my child. She was truly an amazing woman. Whenever we have a family get together (which isn't very often these days), I usually have at least one person say that I am just like my grandmother. I take that as a huge compliment. I hope I can be as positive an influence on people in my life as she was on mine. 
Anywho, Jordon, Kaylee and I loaded up into the truck and headed to the valley for some apply picking. We have done the same little routine each and every year. We don't do well with change apparently. I had heard about this "super cool" farm in the valley, that had a corn maze and pumpkin picking. I thought about it, however we still ended up heading first to Danial's U-Pick for our apple, which was a blast, and then the Farmer Dill's for our pumpkin picking. 
Kaylee had a blast. She ran and played. Climbed the ladders to pick the perfect apple and then ran around and pointed to each and every pumpkin telling me that was the one she wanted.
In the end, we ended up with far more pumpkins than a family of 3 needs however, Kaylee was in her glory. 
We barrelled back into the truck to head home. Daddy loading up the pumpkins, Kaylee was just buckled into the car seat, ready to hit the road until..... "I HAVE TO PEEEEEEE". It never seizes to amaze me. We were in the little house to pay for the pumpkins, not 5 minutes prior to this moment. The house that has a little bathroom. I took the time to ask "Do you have to pee before we go Kaylee?". She looked up at me with those big brown eyes and said "No Mummy!". And yet here we were, seconds from pulling out of the crowded street with a toddler who had to go NOW.
I unfastened her from the car seat as quickly as my fingers would allow me, pulled her out of the truck, pants around the ankles and held her up to pee on the side of the street. Yep.... I was that Mom. You do what you have to do.... I pulled a wipe out of my purse (never leave home without them) and gave her a little wipe. Dribbles on my hand and Jordon laughing hysterically at me, we then loaded back into the truck to head home. We spent the afternoon decorating the front of the house with our few decorations. Kaylee arranged and rearranged about 15 times. Asking me to "come and look" each and every time. I looked down at that little girl and thought.... We are lucky.



So, that is about it around here folks. What have you been up to? What fall traditions do you have?

Thanks for stopping by! Have a terrific Tuesday!

I leave you with this photo of the little miss, who really did NOT want to go to daycare this morning.... I can't help but laugh. 

Cranky Kaylee!
  

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Christmas....

Santa spoiled everyone in 2012.
Yep... I said it... It is three months away today. Christmas is coming faster then we can blink. Time to start getting ready!
Now Christmas has traditionally been my favorite holiday of the year. Buying presents for everyone I love, going to pick out the perfect real Christmas tree. Singing Dolly Parton's Christmas CD while baking in my kitchen. I love those things!
Oh the memories.... I remember each year as a child piling into Dad's van. Mom, Dad, Jackie, always Amanda and I would sing at the top of our lungs. We would head out to this little tree farm about 40 minutes away. Each of us heading in a different directly, yelling out loud "WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE MOM!!!", because her stamp of approval was the only way Dad was cutting it down. We tracked bunny poop trails trying to figure out where that bunny could be. We had snowball fights,of course Dad always threw one too hard and made one of us cry, resulting in Mom scolding him. I digress.... When the perfect tree was finally selected, Mom circled it numerous times before giving Dad the go ahead. We all excitedly stood around and yelled "Timberrrrrrrrrrr" as it fell to the ground. Dragging it to the front of the lot, we would sing another Christmas song. Then we would each have a cup of hot apple cider while Dad paid for the tree and loaded it  onto the van. The ride home was much like the ride to the tree farm. The excitement still high because we all knew that heading home to decorate the tree was next on the to do list.
That is what Christmas is.... That is why I love Christmas. Those are the memories I want to give my little girl. Those songs are the ones I want her to sing.
Why does that feel so far from what Christmas has become? Last year we knew we would be driving to Toronto to be with our family for the holidays. We debated getting a real tree or none at all. After all, we wouldn't be there for Christmas anyways. In the end I decided it was important to me, to have a tree in our home.We had a three year old who was excited for the holiday.We went crazy purchasing gifts for our everyone in the family even though we had all agreed before hand that it was only for the children and not to spend money on gifts for adults (why does this happen, even with the beforehand conversation?).  We piled into the truck and made the long trek home to Ontario. Arriving 20 hours later in our home province, we were finally able to spend some time with our family.
The long long drive to Toronto....
A little bit excited that we are almost there!!!
It was wonderful. We spent 7 days in Ontario. There was a lot of running around, a lot of laughs, a few glasses of wine and the children played until they fought over toys and giggled until they couldn't anymore.
Jordon and I's families came together for Christmas eve to let the children exchange gifts, followed by a large Christmas dinner on Christmas day! It is incredible to see two families merge. And I was grateful that we could all spend that time together.
Cookie decorating with Grampie
That being said, it was extremely difficult. We ran back and forth between my parents home and Jordon's sisters home during that week. Trying to divide our time when we couldn't all be together. It was important that we see everyone and share our time.
It was exhausting. Day 7, we packed up the truck, which was so packed with gifts received that we could not have fit another thing in there if we tried and got ready to hit the road. Doping Kaylee up with gravol as she gets extremely motion sick, we pushed through horrific weather. 28 hours later, we arrived home. We unpacked the truck, tried to find homes for everything we has brought home and settled into a pair of jammies to relax. We had one day before having to return to work. Pooped!!! I was pooped!
Tuckered right out!
This year Jordon and I looked into flying home for Christmas to avoid the long drive, bad weather. The price tag of said flights.... $2700 FOR THREE OF US!!!!!! That is outrageous. Absolutely insane...

So this year... I really would love to get back to basics. Stick to the no gifts except for the children. Go and pick out a Christmas tree with Kaylee. Wake up in my own bed Christmas morning, pour my cup of tea into my favorite mug, take a seat on my couch and watch my little girl open her gifts. No rush. No running around. No chaos. Just a quiet simple Christmas at home. 

Arriving back home in Halifax. New dollhouse has
been reassembled!
Do I wish that I lived an hour away from my family so we could wake up and spend Christmas morning at our house and then spend the rest of the day with family? Of course! That would be ideal. Its a dream I hope is someday attainable. I hope to be sharing many Christmas dinners with all of my family.  This year however, Jordon and I sat and talked, with the limited time off work, I think we are just going to stay home.
Snuggles with PoppaBear.
Snuggles with Auntie Cher and Jaron!

In the car driving with Auntie Jackie
All of that being said, in a recent discussion with my therapist  friend Holly, we were discussing Christmas traditions. What do you buy for your almost 4 year old who wants everything! How do you sign the presents? From Mommy & Daddy, or from Santa? Do you wrap your stocking stuffers? What traditions did you grow up with? What traditions did your husband grow up with? How do you compromise or create your own tradition together?  All questions she threw out there for me. 

I am going to answer those and then ask you- my far and few between readers the same questions.

How do you decide what to buy for your children?

Playing with her new dollhouse!
My honest answer here... Is that I am an impulse buyer. I try and stick to a guideline of a few toys, a few new outfits and always some books. This usually however turns into excessive amounts of everything she loves. Guilty as charged...

How do you sign your gifts?

I sign 98% of the gift from Santa or someone else at the North Pole. I.e. Prancer, Vixen, Mrs. Clause, The elves, Rudolf.

Do you wrap stocking stuffers?

Time to rip them all open!!!
I wrap everything. From new lip chap in a stocking, to the new dollhouse. It all gets wrapped. I think of the evenings when she goes to bed and I spread everything out on the living room floor and spend hours wrapping and decorating each gift, so that Christmas morning, that shinny paper and those pretty bows, reflect in that little girls eyes. I love those moments.

What traditions did I grow up with?

Christmas morning... A little outrageous right?
All of them! I told you about our Christmas tree tradition. But we shared all of our holiday traditions together. Christmas eve my sister and I would always sleep in the same bed. We would wake up at crazy o'clock in the morning with our stockings on the end of our bed. Rule was we were allowed to open our stockings in our room. Then we would have to wait until Mom told us we could get up. (She was usually just as excited as us and if we didn't wake her up before 6am, she woke us up!). We then spent the entire morning unwrapping gifts and having breakfast. We would guess what some gifts were. Dad would drive us crazy by opening gifts without ripping the paper. It was a form of taunting us. Slowing the process down. Mom would usually start cooking breakfast sometime in the middle of gift opening. My parents loved to spoil us. Christmas was about our family of four. After breakfast we would usually head to Nanny and Poppa's house or they to ours. The turkey dinner that followed always had everyone in bed before 9pm. 

What was Christmas like for my Husband?

We haven't spoken in depth about this. Probably because we for 12 years have been trying to form our own traditions. But from what I remember of conversations we have had, his family would leave their home in Ontario and drive to Quebec for Christmas's. With all of their extended family there, they would travel and spend the holidays amongst the group. I know his Mother loved Christmas. She loved the give to everyone. So I can only imagine, he like myself was spoiled rotten each and every Christmas. I know from the one Christmas I spent at his family in Quebec's home, that the Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton Christmas TAPE, was played about 1000 times over the holidays. Cooking and baking was endless as were the laughs and love shared.

How have we compromised to create our own traditions?

Hubby with his new hat!
I think we have both simply incorporated what was important for us growing up. For myself, a real tree was important to me. Jordon could do with or without a real tree. I trumped him on that one. For him, sitting beside the tree on Christmas morning and handing out the gifts to everyone is his favorite part. Most other aspects of the traditions, were similar. We agree it is now about our daughter. Precious moments spent together. It is a time of love, laughs, relaxation and great food (okay, maybe a glass of wine or two as well).

So, there you have it. Christmas in a nut shell. So now I ask the same questions of you. I would love to hear your responses. Readers love seeing other peoples answers. So take a couple of minutes and let me know about your Christmas. Are you excited this year?

Thanks again for stopping by and Happy Hump Day! 

Thursday, September 19, 2013

This Bed.....

This bed was the very first purchase we made after the purchase of our home.

First week in our new home... No other furniture. Just a
great big bed, with horrible bedding and hideous
bedroom decor.
After renting a basement apartment to save money, sleeping on an old grungy mattress, I wanted a real bed. A big bed. So, 2 days before our house closed, I picked one out and had it set to be delivered for the day we moved in.

This bed was worth an arm and a leg.
This bed is 6 feet wide and 6 1/2 feet long.
This bed has shared a lot of love. It was a bed that began with Jordon and I. Our space full of big dreams and hope for all the things the future held.
We have laid in this bed, many a nights discussing our lives.

This bed held our daughter on the long nights of teething, feeding and play time.  











This bed has shared dog hairs, cat hairs, drool, tears,and countless late night snacks.
This bed witnessed fights, witnessed love making, witnessed drunken shananigans.
This bed has since  evolved from a bed we shared with our furr babies, to a white comforter and high thread count sheets that they are no longer allowed on. It has changed the "colour of its skin" countless times however never changing the purpose it served. 

This bed.... Ohhhhh This bed........It seems it was taken over last night. It suddenly became a 1 foot wide space I was sharing with my husband, with nowhere to go. This bed was no longer my luxurious, soft, warm 3 foot space (thats my side). It was taken over by the like of this....

While I was unable to move out of my alloted one foot granted space at 1am to take a photo, this is how she sleeps...
I can assure you it is quite similar to the position she slept in last night... On mine and Jordon's side of the bed.
Somehow she had snuck into our bed. Crawled in behind me and slowy distributed her body farther and farther across the bed. How can one tiny little being take up so much space? How is it possible for that same tiny little being to project so much heat. It is no secret that I love to be warm. I have my space heater going under my desk in July on the "damp" days. But her? She is a furnace... She was sending off beams of heat that had me wanting to rip every article of clothing off of me.
Once I realized what was going on, I crawled over top of her and carefully carried her back to her room. Tucked her in and kissed her. Stumbled back to my bed, spread out in my three feet and smiled. Ahhh, back to normal. I woke to the same senario at 4am.... Sweating, squished up against Jordon's back and once again confused as to how this little monster had managed to sneak back into my bed.
So this morning, I slept in, woke up tired and maybe a little cranky.

Her on the other hand....


Happy Thursday Y'all!

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Guest Blogger Holly... Response to "Life before Parenthood"...

Hey All!

Very first guest post here! Holly sent me an awesome response to today's entry and so I thought it would be a great opportunity to share! Since she is new to the blogging world, what better way to get out there but to share our stories!

Again, you can catch Holly's blog at Happy Happy Happy Holly 
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It’s funny, as I sat at my kitchen table last week, paper and pen in hand, looking at the Sears Christmas Wish Book, I had a thought… It’s only the beginning of September, what am I doing looking at the Wish Book and thinking about Christmas already? Then I answered my own thought with a simple "because I’m a Mom"
Christmas as a mother takes extreme planning, budgeting, searching, hunting, and preparation to make sure that every possible detail, gift and gadget is purchased, wrapped and presented.

So after reading your post this morning I thought to myself, "what else do I do differently specifically because I am a Mom?"

I make at least 2 sometimes 3 different meals at supper time. I like to eat "somewhat" healthy, Alex eats VERY plain. And the kids eat like kids… so its time consuming and somewhat frustrating making multiple meals. Something I would never do if I did not have children. If I were a single woman or even just a couple, I am pretty sure we would eat out every night.

I drive a minivan… No self-respecting woman in the 21st century wants to drive a minivan. But when you have 2 toddlers in car seats and a new born on the way, you find yourself test driving mini vans… That was me back in the summer of 2009, a 2 and 3 year oldand a baby on the way and we needed something that could hold all those car seats safely and comfortably. Now my kids are a little older mind you but I still drive that minivan. You wouldn’t believe the stuff I can fit in that thing.

I buy comfortable shoes… It’s unbelievably depressing when I walk through the mall looking in the windows at all the sexy shoes and boots out there. But the only thing that floods my mind as a mother is "where the hell would I wear those?" They are gorgeous, crazy expansive but so impractical. As I walk off in my Birkenstock or Uggs (they go with everything) I hang my head in shame at my Mom shoes.
I don’t even flinch at the sight of puke, poop or boogers… It’s a talent I have only acquired after becoming a mother. I have seen it all! Every color, texture, smell. In the weirdest places! Walls, beds, hair, floors, even in a pocket once. Being a mom has completely sent my weak stomach packing!
I have also learned to eat my words, and stop judging other people and their kids. I can’t tell you how many times in the past I have said "Oh my child would never do that" or "My child would never get away with that" Trust me… at some point; your child is going to do "that", and say "that". Whether you like it or not, you are going to become "that Mom" The one you swore you never would.
So Jaymie, in response to this morning’s post. You are defiantly right; hit the nail right on the head. "Life before parenthood must have been awfully boring."
I could not imagine my life without all the tears, meals, messes, tantrums, smiles, hugs, kisses, late nights, early mornings…

Holly
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Head on back to the blog soon! :)